Adriana: Hotter than Beans?

There’s a reason why Victoria’s Secret and La Perla consistently rake in the cash. Lingerie is a suggestion, a hint; maybe even a promise. It’s an art form whose medium is lace, silk and satin. It flaunts the good parts, but knows to shroud the best. Lingerie’s most basic function is to leave all parties involved chomping at the bit in anticipation of the main event. Talking about lace, bows and garters is fun in itself, but today it serves as an analogy for music. A single from a not-yet-released album is the same as a teddy with a few strategically placed cutouts. Or, if the single sucks, it’s comparable to a pair of dingy tighty-whities.

Disappointed that we’re veering away from nudity? Don’t be. Music is no less sexy than naughty clothing…depending on whose music and whose clothing, of course. No worries – the following singles give Adriana Lima a run for her money. And some of these songs are so raw you know they’d dispense with the formalities and just go with the classic “DTF?”

Beans: “Deathsweater” & “Mellow You Out” feat. Tunde Adebimpe From End It All, due 2/15

Beans, a member of the group Antipop Consortium, is about to drop his new solo album, End It All. If these two tracks are anything to go by, it’s excellent. The jam “Mellow You Out” has a lumbering beat. Seriously, that’s the first word that comes to mind. Cherry on top? Tunde Adebimpe of TV On The Radio lends his unmistakable voice for an added dash of drama. Adebimpe’s crooning & wailing and Beans’ unstoppable rhymes take “Mellow You Out” above and beyond.

As for “Deathsweater”: Not since Weezer debuted “Undone–The Sweater Song” in 1994 has a song about a sweater been so A+. If it’s the first song about a sweater since then, here’s some clarification: this song, which is about a sweater, is really damn good. “Deathsweater” is the foil to Cuomo’s awkward dweebiness, as Beans defines this track with a sick beat, funky rhythms and quick verse. Plus, the song is about how the sweater makes him feel so sexy. No apathetic unraveling here.

Wise Blood “Loud Mouths” From Untitled TBA

Opening with distorted Gregorian chanting and Robert Plant-style moaning, “Loud Mouths” is clear evidence that Wise Blood (aka Chris Laufman) is, yet again, serving up a gem. The stabbing rhythm, emphasized by piano and bass strings, paired with his raw falsetto, is borderline earporn. That it’s a manipulative bad boy love song adds to the foxy factor: “You’ve got those loud bit*hes, loud bit*hes telling you lies/Don’t listen to those girls, they’re just snakes in disguise…Step up your game if you want to roll with me”. He’s persuasive, no?  Wise Blood has been signed by Dovecote Records, which means that we’ll be getting an album this year. I’m already hot and bothered.

Lykke Li: “Get Some”; “Get Some (Beck Remix)” From Wounded Rhymes, due 3/1

Lykke Li is from Sweden, which seems to be the homeland of half of the artists we gush over (e.g. Robyn). Maybe it’s the long winters, maybe it’s the socialism; whatever it is, the Swedes are forever excelling in the fine art of titillating music journalists, critics, and listeners. The first single from the upcoming Wounded Rhymes is “Get Some”, a provocative, rollicking ode to…naughtiness? Lykke threatens us with good sex. “I’m your prostitute/You’re gon’ get some” is self-explanatory enough. She yips, she purrs, she rises to a sweeping chorus. She teases. And, in the end, she promises.

Beck remixed “Get Some” and, in doing so, gave us a song that’s almost new – and just as good. Following Wise Blood’s example, Beck brings in a bit of Gregorian chant. Why do I find chanting monks so sexy? I hope that this is a trend. A thumping bass beat takes her throaty vocals even deeper. Sped up and full of samples, the remix takes the sultry burlesque of the original and molds it into a strutting striptease.

Adele “Rolling in the Deep (Jamie xx Remix)” feat. Childish Gambino From 21, due 2/22

If you’re planning on destroying your ex’s private property, slandering his or her good name, or any other kind of vengeful misdemeanor, please reconsider. Once you decide to proceed as intended, check out this remix of British chanteuse Adele’s defiant breakup anthem. It’s high-energy and confident, with a take home message of “I’m going to f— you up”, not “I miss you”. Rapper Childish Gambino comes in to counter Adele’s soulful threats with some excellent lines: “Wow girl, that’s what you wanted, huh?/A Michael Cera knockoff/I guess I wasn’t white enough”; “F— Macaulay Culkin, I’m never going Home Alone”. Really, it’s a song about exes (of both sexes) that you want to dance to.

Childish Gambino “Freaks and Geeks” From untitled EP, due 2011

Never heard of Childish Gambino? Bet you have. Gambino is the alter ego of the actor/comedian/writer Donald Glover, familiar as Troy from the NBC sitcom Community. He’s also part of the sketch group Derrick Comedy and has written for 30 Rock. With that resumé, Mr. Glover is probably responsible for me peeing myself at some point. “Freaks and Geeks” forgoes complex instrumentation and focuses on Gambino’s killer wordplay, already sampled above. His delivery is smart, earnest, and is proof that Glover is a true Renaissance man. Can he get any better? Why yes, yes he can – He was raised in Stone Mountain, GA, which means that we can kind of claim him as our own.

(Allegra Yeley, UGA)